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DBZ Humor Chapters 6-10
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Bulma's Confessions

DISCLAIMER- I don't own Dragonball Z or GT. I used the characters created by Akira Toriyama to write this for fun. I don't profit from this in any way.

Chapter VI

 

 

The new batch of meat was served within the hour. Though everybody took a piece of pork, none ate it. They took the meat in fear of hurting Bras feelings, or worse, making her mad. When Bra returned to the house, they all quickly dumped the food in the trash and Bulma took it away.

After lunch, Piccolo sat, floating in the air. His eyes were closed and his legs crossed. He concentrated hard, focusing his mind.

"Hey, Piccolo." He opened an eye and glared angrily towards the one who had disturbed his meditation. "Want a beer?" Master Roshi asked.

Piccolo lowered himself to the ground. He had always seen people drink the stuff. Quite frankly, he didnt know what the big deal was. Sure he had thought of trying it for himself, but he never actually did so. Then again, he had never been offered.

He took a few steps toward the old man, who grabbed a beer from the cooler next to him and tossed it toward the Namekian. Piccolo snatched it from the air and held the bottle in his hand. With the other, he pulled off the cap at the top, and cautiously took a drink.

He sloshed the liquid around in his mouth a few times. It was horrible! He almost spit it out, but decided against it. What did Humans like the stuff for?! As he swallowed, he suddenly got a craving for another sip.

This time, when he drank it, it tasted better. Much better. He took another drink, and another, and another. Finally, he downed the whole bottle.

Master Roshi laughed, "Wow! Want another?"

Piccolo tossed the bottle over his shoulder and grabbed the second that Roshi was handing him. This bottle, too, he drank completely. He then looked down for another. "Hey, slow down, Piccolo." The old man laughed.

Piccolo then noticed an unopened bottle sitting on the table. He dove for it, knocking off what food and drinks were left. He grabbed it with both hands and flipped to his back on top of the table. He opened this one as well, and drank it completely.

After abandoning the bottle, he saw the cooler that Roshi had gotten them from. In one swift movement, Piccolo got off the table and grabbed the ice-chest. Once the supply of beer was safely in his possession, he took off.

"Wow, never seen anybody get so addicted." Roshi mused.

"Must be his Namekian blood." Yamcha responded.

 

"Bra," Pan said to her friend sitting across the table, "I want to tell you something."

"What?" Bra asked.

Pan looked towards her parents, then around to see if anyone else was near. After finding the coast clear, she continued. "I promised not to tell anybody, but I need to tell someone."

"Well?"

"Bra, Im gay."

Bra sat staring at her friend for a few seconds, then finally shrugged her shoulders and said. "Eh, I figured."

"Whats that supposed to mean?" Pan demanded.

Bra shrugged again, "I dunno, you just always had this quality."

"Oh I guess."

Suddenly, a thought struck Bras mind. "Wait you dont like me? Do you?"

"Oh, no. No, no." Pan said quickly. "I just needed to tell someone."

Bra breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay, phew."

"Wait, whats that supposed to mean?!" Pan blurted defensively.

Bra stared at her. "It means that Im NOT gay, Pan. Sheesh."

"Oh, sorry."

"Wait Why dont you like me? Am I not good enough for you?!" Bra suddenly said.

"Sure you-" Pan started.

"Am I not pretty enough for you? Would you rather have someone more like Marron?!" Bra interrupted, beginning to become hysterical.

"Bra, I-"

"You are pretty shallow, Pan! How could you put Marron before me? We are best friends!" The blue-haired girl continued.

"Bra, what are you-?" Pan couldnt understand Bras sudden mood swing.

"I mean, jeeze, you could have at least showed some interest!"

"Bra!" Pan shouted, stopping the girls complaints. "Settle down!"

Bra took a breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, sorry."

Just then, they heard 18 yell, "Krillin! Get over here!"

The man who was still standing next to the building, slowly walked to the table where his wife and daughter sat. 18 simply pointed to the mess of leftover food and trash on the table. Krillin slowly piled the junk into his arms and headed to the trash, moving without hesitation like a robot.

Thunder suddenly echoed deeply in the sky. All eyes were directed upward. Dark clouds had blocked out the sun, threatening to poor rain down on the world below.

As if sharing one mind, everybody stood up, grabbing any belongings, and made their way to the house. Droplets of water had already begun dropping as the door was shut behind the party.

Once inside, the group broke up to do whatever they wanted. Bulma, Videl, 18, Marron, Mr. Satan, and Buu all headed to the kitchen table to talk. Trunks, Goten, Gohan, Yamcha, Master Roshi, and Puar all sat down on the couch in the living room to watch TV. Goku, Vegeta, Tien and Chiaotzu found a place to sit and watch with them. Pan and Bra headed upstairs into Bras room. Finally, Krillin went to stand in the corner, his head low, quietly waiting for an order.

In the kitchen, the women, Mr. Satan and Buu all sat down to talk. Videl looked with sympathy to Buu. "I thought he had healing powers. Couldnt he just bring the dog back to life?"

Her father sighed. "Thats what we have been doing. How do you think Bee lasted this long? It just got to the point that she couldnt even last a matter of seconds after being brought back. Poor girl. Buu would heal her, she would stand up, then fall over dead once again."

Videl looked at her father in horror. "Thats horrible!"

Mr. Satan nodded, "Yeah. It went on for at least twelve hours before I could convince Buu to stop trying."

Buu sighed heavily. "Buu miss Bee. Buu hungry."

Bulma smiled in pity as she stood up to find the creature something sweet to eat. "Anybody want a drink while Im up?" Videl and Marron nodded. Bulma made her way to the pantry and opened it.

A thud could be heard as the door opened fully. Everybody looked to see what had fallen.

A man lay on the floor, his hands tied behind his back, and his legs strapped together. Tape covered his mouth. Up and down his arms were cuts, clearly made by a knife or whip.

He looked up to the table of people, begging with his eyes for help.

"Oops!" Bulma said, pulling him up and stuffing him back inside the closed space. "Uh heh" Bulma laughed sheepishly, "Who wants thirsty again?" She quickly made her way to the sink. The people in the room exchanged nervous glances, but didnt say a word. Buu sighed again.

Chapter VII

 

In the living room, Goten suddenly reached over and switched off the TV.

"What are you doing?" Master Roshi demanded.

"Were gunna play Melee." Goten said. Trunks eyes lightened at the sound of playing his favorite game.

"Kami, arent you guys a little too old for video games?" Yamcha said, a little angry at not being able to watch the rest of the show they had been watching.

"No way! Video games are forever!" Trunks blurted confidently.

"Yeah!" Goten cheered.

Just then Pan and Bra entered the room. "Whats going on?" Bra asked.

"Were gunna play Melee, wanna join?" Trunks responded.

Bra smiled widely. "The thrill and joy of kicking the ass of a cartoon character? Why would I pass that up?!" She jumped over the couch, clearing the heads of Vegeta, Goku, and Gohan, and took a seat in front of the TV. Pan walked around more calmly and sat next to her friend.

Trunks put the disk in the console, pushed in a memory card and four controllers, and hit the power button. Goten literally threw two controllers to Bra and Pan, who snatched them up quickly. Trunks sat back on the ground, his own controller in hand, and began the preparation for their match.

Once it got to the character select screen, the four picked their characters. Pan selected Samus and Trunks took Falco. Bra and Goten took their time in picking characters.

Bra was the first to decide. She took Link. "Theres just something about using a big knife and a chain as a weapon that just satisfies me." She said, referring to Links sword and grapple hook. "And his bombs only sweeten the deal."

Goten smiled goofily as he chose his character.

Trunks looked at him like he was stupid. "Seriously, Goten, Jigglypuff?"

Goten suddenly got serious. "Heh, you should fear the Puff. All fear the Puff."

Pan and Bra shook their heads in shame.

Trunks chuckled a bit and went back to work preping their fight. "What items should we have?"

Bra was the first to speak up. "A whip!"

Trunks glared at his sister. "Bra, for the LAST time: THEY DONT HAVE A WHIP!"

Bra pouted a bit, then replied. "Fine. Bob-ombs, the Beam Sword, the Hammer, and the Ray Gun." Trunks switched the items on. "Oh, and Mr. Saturn! The prospect of throwing around little creatures just feels right."

"We gotta have Poke Balls!" Goten said loudly. Trunks nodded and put them on.

Pan smiled. "The Bunny Hood."

Everybody turned to look at her. She shrugged and smiled.

"Fine." Trunks said. Then he moved to the recovery items. "Any of these?"

"NO!" Bra shouted.

"Okay, okay." Trunks backed down, returning to the character select screen.

"What level?"

Again, Bra was the first to respond. "Brinstar Depths! Its just so deliciously demonic and evil looking."

Trunks sighed and pressed start. Immediately, the two teens and two wanna-be-teens started playing.

Vegeta watched a bit and frowned. What a repulsingly foolish game. He thought bitterly.

Roshi, after quickly becoming bored, left to pester the people in the kitchen. More specifically: Bulma.

Tien and Chiaotzu began meditating, while Yamcha left to aide Bulma in thwarting off the old man.

Gohan watched the game, getting increasingly bored. Puar, being as nieve as she was, went searching for Oolong.

Goku was the only person, not playing the game, having as much fun as the four children. He would laugh and cheer along with them.

Finally, the game ended with Goten as the winner. He jumped up and said triumphantly. "ALL FEAR THE PUFF!"

Trunks frowned and threw his controller down. "You only won cause of that cheap attack."

Goten smiled down at him. "Dont blame the move if its the PLAYER with all the skill!"

Trunks frowned more. "Skill? You wouldnt be able to beat me if you didnt use that stupid attack."

"Oh?!"

"Yeah!"

Gotens eyes narrowed. "Yeah, but you cant beat me in REAL life!"

"Oh, yeah?!" Trunks jumped to his feet.

"Yeah!"

"Wanna make a bet on it?!"

"Yeah!"

"We fight! If I win, you have to go to the next world tournament in a frilly pink dress!"

Goten laughed, "Okay, then, if I win, you have to make a public announcement that you are GAY!"

"YOURE ON!"

The two boys rushed outside into the pouring rain and began to throw punches at each other.

Goku ran out to watch. Pan and Bra both shook their heads in shame again, and switched the TV back on.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and Chi-chi stormed in. "Gohan!" She shrieked. Gohan cringed in alarm. Chi-chi stormed to him and grabbed his ear, pulling him to his feet. "I thought I told you to work on your studies!"

"M Mom?!" Gohan choked out in shock. "H.. Howd you get out?!"

"Thats IT!" She screamed, "No more! Im going to make you study if I have to cut off your eye lids, tie you up, and shove book after book in your face!"

Just then, two orderlies from the hospital charged in and grabbed the hysterical woman.

"LET GO OF ME!" She screamed, "GOHAN HAS TO STUDY!" They dragged her back out, leaving everybody dumbfounded at what had just happened.

Not a second later, Trunks came crashing through the wall, lying unconscious on the floor. From outside, Goten cheered.

Before anybody could move, a scream was heard from the kitchen, followed by a gunshot.

Yamcha was the first to yell. "Oh my Kami, they killed Roshi!"

Then Puar chimed in. "You bastards!"

Chapter VIII

 

 

Dusk had fallen by the time the mess in the kitchen had been cleaned up. Master Roshi wasnt really dead. He somehow survived a bullet to the head. Apparently, Roshi pushed Bulma to the limits. Nobody was exactly clear on what he did, but whatever it was, Bulma sure didnt like it.

After all the chaos, Bulma and Videl decided to start up a dinner for the huge party. Nineteen people, including two Saiyans, four half Saiyans, a quarter Saiyan, and the always hungry: Majin Buu. It was a lot of people to feed in one day, so the two women had their work cut out for them.

Meanwhile everybody, except Krillin, went their separate ways. Krillin still stood in the corner, his head low, and his eyes staring at the floor. Even if he wanted to move, he wouldnt dare do so. He loved his wife and daughter. So what if they treated him like their personal slave? So what if he hadnt done a single thing of his own free will since Marron turned eighteen? So what if he was dead inside? 18 said he was happy, so he was. Why would she lie?

Even though he loved to talk, laugh, and enjoy himself at parties, he loved his wife more. He loved and respected her. She was the sole reason why he woke in the morning. Without him, who else would set out her clothes for her? Who else would cook breakfast before she woke? Who else would warm up the shower for her? Hold doors open for her? Go to work and earn money so she could go shopping? Clean the car daily before she went out with Marron? Make sure dinner was on the table by the time they returned? Put away anything she may have bought while she ate? Quietly clean the house while she slept? Who else would do all that for her? She needed him.

Thats why he always did as he was told. If she ever divorced him and left with Marron, she wouldnt be able to do any of that! He had to obey. For her comfort. So he stood alone in the corner, awaiting anything she may need him to do.

"Krillin!" He slowly walked to his wife, who was sitting comfortably on the couch. She looked up at him. "I want you to go out to the store and get me something to eat. I dont want to fight a bunch of Saiyans for my share of dinner." Krillin nodded, but didnt move. 18 stared at him. "What are you waiting for?"

"I need the keys." Krillin said softly.

18 let out a laugh. "Oh, no! You arent taking my car! Youre going to walk!"

Krillin nodded. "Yes, Dear." He slowly walked to the door. The rain had not lightened any. In fact, it had gotten considerably worse. Krillin sighed, stepped out and walked off into the rain.

 

After their fight, Trunks and Goten went to his old room. Sure, Trunks was mad that he had lost. Now, he, president of Capsule Corp., had to announce that he was gay in front of the whole city.

The more he thought about it, though, the more it worked out for him. Tonight, he was going to tell Pan of his feelings, and theyd be together by the time he made his announcement. He would hold his end of the bargain, and claim to homosexual, but he would act the best he could and tell city that Goten was his partner.

Gotens reputation would be ruined, and not long after, the public would see him with Pan and know that he was still straight. It was perfect!

Goten snickered. "I cant wait until the biggest ladys man in West City breaks everybodys hearts by telling them that he doesnt even like women!" Goten broke out in laughter as he finished.

Trunks faked a laugh. Well see.

Meanwhile, Pan and Bra were in Bras room, talking about Pans new lifestyle.

"Are you going to tell anybody else?" Bra questioned.

"My parents made me promise not to tell anybody today." She smiled slyly. "But tomorrow" Bra shook her head and laughed.

Suddenly, the most horrible noise they had ever heard floated into Bras room. It sounded like a lawnmower grinding against concrete. Pan and Bra covered their ears and went to investigate. All around the house, the others were doing much of the same thing.

They tracked the noise to a room adjacent to the living room which served as a sort of second living room (The Briefs are very rich). As they neared the room, they discovered that the noise, though horrible, was carrying a slight melody.

They walked into the room to find Piccolo. He held a beer bottle in his hand, using it like it was a microphone, and he was singing. The song he was trying to sing was a mystery due to Piccolos terrible, scratchy voice, and the fact that his words were highly slurred. Several empty beer bottles lay at his feet next to the now empty cooler.

Covering his ears, Tien moved over and snatched the beer bottle away from the drunk Namekian. Piccolo didnt stop singing. Vegeta, mad as a hornet, rushed over and knocked Piccolo out with a punch to the back of the head.

Chapter IX

(Note: This chapter has a few inside jokes involving one of the readers. If you get it, laugh. If you dont get it, dont worry too much. However, if you dont want to feel left out laugh along and hope that nobody realizes the true extent of your knowledge. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this instead of doing something productive. Isnt wasting time fun?)

 

"Its almost dinner time!" Videl called out to the living room full of people. They all surrounded the TV, laughing hysterically.

"Study study study study study study" The animated character on the screen chanted while riding a bicycle.

The room full of people laughed again. The only two not joining in the laughter were: Vegeta, who scowled every time there was even a slight chuckle; and Piccolo, who was still out cold on the floor.

Another round of laughter rang through the group of Saiyans and Humans. "What is this called again?" Yamcha said, wiping a tear from his eye from laughing so much.

"Goldenboy." Trunks responded.

"Its great!" Yamcha said, breaking into more laughs.

The twenty minute episode finally ended, and the group slowly broke up, preparing for the feast they were sure to have.

In the kitchen, while Bulma and Videl cooked, Buu sat on the floor, sighing heavily every so often. Suddenly, Videl noticed the absence of her father.

"Hey, wheres my dad?" She asked, glancing around. "He isnt in the living room, is he?"

Bulma shrugged, "I thought he was in here with Buu."

Videl turned to the pudgy pink creature. "Buu, have you seen my dad?"

Buu sighed again. "Buu saw him."

"Where is he? Dinners almost ready."

Buu lowered his head. "Hurcule not coming."

"Why not?"

"Buu sad. Bee gone. Buu get hungry when sad."

A shiver ran down Videls spine. "Buu wheres my father?"

"Buu turned him to chocolate. Buu ate the chocolate."

Videl stared at the pink monster with a blank expression. Then promptly fainted. Bulma dropped what she was doing and caught the girl in mid-fall.

"Videl! Videl!"

Buu simply sighed.

"Videl! Wake up!" Bulma yelled to no avail. She rushed to the sink, poured a glass of water, rushed back to Videl, and dumped the liquid on her face.

Videl woke with a start. "Wha?" She said in a daze.

"You fainted." Bulma said.

Videl got to her feet and glanced around. "Wheres my dad?"

"Uhh" Bulma thought. She must have somehow forgotten when she fainted. "He went home." Bulma would normally have told her the truth, but she needed help with the food still.

"I wonder why he left so early" Videl wondered aloud. Buu sighed sadly again.

 

 

There was a knock at the door, and Trunks jumped up to answer it. "I hope Mom doesnt mind, but I invited a friend."

Trunks opened the door to find Craig Fabec behind it. The high school kid walked in out of the rain.

Goten got up, walking toward the door to greet his friend. "So, hows the bran?" Craig frowned. He was never going to live it down. Trunks laughed and welcomed Craig in.

"Mmmm" Craig said, taking a whiff of the food. "Something smells good"

"Yeah," Trunks said, "Were about to eat."

Goten snickered, "Craig, spell stomach. If you cant get it right, you wont be needing any food!" Craig rolled his eyes, but laughed along anyway.

They walked into the living room where most of the people had cleared out. Goku, Gohan, Bra, Pan, Marron, and 18, either sat on the couch, a chair, or the floor. Vegeta still stood against the wall with his arms crossed.

When Craig walked in, his and Vegetas eyes met. Vegetas face became red in rage. "YOU!"

"Uh, oh." Craig muttered before spinning around and taking off out the door. Vegeta shot out after him, both disappearing into the rain.

"What the hell was that all about? Goten wondered aloud.

"I have no idea." Trunks responded.

"Anyway" Goten said. He then smiled at Trunks. "Wanna go see if we can sneak some food before supper?"

A gnome suddenly peeked around the corner. "I dont think that is a good idea."

Trunks glared at the little man. "Go away, Happy Little Gnome, nobody asked you!" The gnome disappeared as quickly as he had come.

Before the two boys could head to the kitchen, however, Bulma poked her head out and said the magic words: "Dinner time!"

Chapter X

(Another note: if you dont like ridiculously stupid gags and jokes, then maybe you should just skip this chapter. Then again, you would miss out on stuff, and you dont want to be the only one left in the dark do you? Everybody laughing and laughing, and you cant understand why. Then, you begin to think theyre laughing at YOU. You look around nervously to see if anybody else has noticed, but it doesnt matter, they just keep laughing and laughing and laughing AND LAUGHING UNTIL YOU JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! ..I mean *clears throat* sorry about that. Anyway, as I said there WILL be stupid jokes in this chapter.)

 

The table was set with the most extravagant feast any of the guests could imagine. Foods from all over the world were gathered on one dining room table. Bulma and Videl had worked long and hard to get this ready.

Vegeta had not returned from hunting down Craig yet, and the losses of Oolong, Roshi, Piccolo, Krillin, and Mr. Satan eliminated several more mouths to feed, leaving more food for the rest.

The Saiyans did their best to hold off their appetites, and allow everybody else to get food first. Once it was their turn, however, it was a mass free-for-all to get the most food. Bulma had to actually act as a sort of referee in order to keep them from breaking out into a fight every time two or more wanted the same thing at the same time.

Other than the occasional struggle for food, dinner went fairly smoothly. Of course, the Saiyans were among the first done. After everybody else had finished, Bra and Pan broke off to go to Bras room.

In her room, Bra sat down at her computer. "Hey, Pan, wanna see something neat?"

Pan shrugged, "Sure."

Bra went into Microsoft Word and clicked on a file titled: Twisted Humor. Pan cocked an eyebrow when she began to read aloud.

"Twisted Humor. Chapter One. It was a beautiful summer day: not too hot. The sun shone brilliantly, quietly basking the land in its warming glow. Not a cloud shone in the endless blue sky. The grass was a lush green, and the trees stood tall and strong. The household of Son Goku and Gohan stood in a small clearing near a crystal clear stream. It was a perfect day YOURE WHAT?!."

Pan stopped reading when she saw her own name. "Bra? What is this?"

Bra smirked, "Just read."

Pan continued. "Pan, daughter of Gohan and Videl stood before her parents, looking quite uncomfortable, but determined. Gohan was standing in front of a fallen chair, his eyes were bulging as big as oranges. Videl sat next to him, looking forward with a blank stare."

Pan stopped again. This scene seemed familiar. "Bra"

Bra giggled. "Neat huh?"

"Uhh"

Bra suddenly skipped to the very bottom and began to type.

"What are you doing?!" Pan shrieked, reading about herself reading the story.

Bra giggled again. Once she got to a certain point, she highlighted the text and changed its color. She liked this color better.

"Bra? What the hell are you doing?!" Pan demanded.

"Blue is better than Black." Bra said as she typed the statement.

"Change it back!" Pan yelled, "Thats annoying!"

"There, Happy?" Bra asked.

Pan shook her head, "No! The text looks all weird now!"

"Hows this?"

"NO!" Pan shrieked, "Change it back to the way it was!"

"Okay, okay, youre no fun."

"BRA!"

"What?"

"STOP SCREWING WITH THE STORY!"

"I think its better this way- adds color to the fic. ^^"

Pan stared at what Bra had just typed. "Bra, what the hell is that?"

"This ^^ ?"

"Yes, that."

"Happy eyes."

" Happy eyes?"

"Yeah ^^!" Bra said, smiling.

"BRA! CHANGE IT BACK TO BLACK!"

"Fine, fine." Bra suddenly smiled slyly.

"What?"

"Look, Webdings!" Bra said, smiling.

"DAMNIT Bra!" Pan screamed, "Nobody will be able to understand us!"

"So?" Bra giggled, "It's kinda mysterious.

"BRA!"

"FINE!" Bra yelled, changing the font type back to normal and kind of upset from Pan yelling at her.

"NOW LEAVE IT!"

"Fine." Bra said, folding her arms very Vegeta like.

"Now can we stop fucking with reality and go back downstairs? Its almost midnight!"

"Okay, okay." Bra said, shutting off the

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